The Many Trials and Tribulations of Finn
by Smash Genesis
Summary: Castanet Island is in danger! If someone doesn't do something soon, the town will collapse on itself! Finn has been asigned by the Goddess to fix this situation. Too bad the only people who can see him are GODDAMNED IDIOTS. AP, Finn's POV CRACKFIC
1. m0lLy and Kev1N

**The Many Trials and Tribulations of Finn**

**SG: I got this idea in Animal Parade's opening sequence. Just so you know, the boy hero is Kevin from ToT and the heroine is Molly from AP. I also don't have this whole thing planned out. I'll just be cranking out chapters when I feel like it. **

**Chapter 1: m0lLy and Kev1N**

You'd think that being a magical fairy under the tutelage of nature itself would net an easy coast through life. You'd think that "Oh, I have _magic_ to help me, so I can do _anything!_" And you would be pretty much right, until you had to save a tiny island from utter entropy with the help of only two idiots.

Hello. My name is Finn. Welcome to my life! Right now, I'm traveling with Molly and Kevin, two siblings from the big city with absolutely no perspective, self-control, or for that matter, brains. Once I realized they could see me, I convinced them to take up farming on Castanet Island, making it sound like it was a breeze and fun and – as they wanted me to put it – "epic win."

Yeah, because _everyone_ knows that farming is a fulfilling and easy lifestyle.

Once I got it through to them that they were the only ones who could see me, I then drilled it into their heads that they needed to help the locals by saving the divine, now wilting, Goddess Tree. And I mean, _drilled _– I had to give them homework five nights a week, with due dates and everything.

"Hey, guys!" I said to them. They were hitching a ride on the back of Cain's horse cart because "walking is for poor people." Yeah, they're gonna love it here. "We have to see the Harvest Goddess as soon as we get there!"

Kevin rolled his eyes, and Molly turned on her back. "Are you even listening? This is serious!" I insisted.

"Chillax, man," Kevin said. "Don't be such a spoilsport." Molly burst into tears. "I hate spoilsports! Why does the world conspire against me?" Cain turned his head to see what the commotion was about. "Everything all right there, young miss?"

"Yes, I'll manage…" Molly made a sniffling noise, and concluded, "somehow." Kevin put his hand on his sister's shoulder. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" He hissed.

"Right-o, then," Cain intervened. "You mind if I ask you two a few questions before we get there?" Molly instantly cheered up. "I luff answering questions!"

"What's you're favorite food?"

Kevin responded heartily. "Raw cowflesh!" Said Molly "I adore fried sashimi!"

Cain decided to lay off the questions for the rest of the trip.

Two painstaking hours later, the rancher said, "We're here."

"Oh my god!" Molly squealed. "It's run down and barely standing! Just like I wanted!" The three of us jumped off the cart, and bid Cain farewell.

"Hello, hellooo!" A disembodied voice called. A short, round, balding man emerged from the path Cain had just departed on. "Helloooooo! I'm Mayor Hamilton, and I welcome you to my fabulous town!" He walked over to the ranch house, which was as decrepit as Molly had made it out to be. "Do you not find this building to be simply divine?"

Kevin whispered into Molly's ear, inaudible to Hamilton, but completely hearable for me. "We need to be careful around this guy. I think he's gay." Molly looked shocked, but then nodded her head. Great, so they were idiots, and homophobes!

Hamilton went on a rant about the house, the land, the town, the whole package! "Finally, he said, "you two both owe me 5000G for the whole thing!"

"WHAT? 5000! " Kevin said. "There's no way that could be right!"

Ugh.

Mayor Hamilton thanked us for our time, and asked us to come into town to meet everyone there. So much for getting to the Goddess on day one.

In Town Hall Mayor Hamilton offered to show us around.

"No way!" Molly said in response. "I'm a big gurl now!"

"I thought you still used diapers?" Kevin inquired.

"Pardon me?" Molly responded, deeply offended that her brother would make such a serious accusation. "I use _pull-ups_! There's a DIFFERENCE!"

As Mayor Hamilton stared at my two friends, I realized this was going to be a long day.

**STOP ONE: SIMON'S PHOTOGRAPHY **

"Hello there," said the mellow man behind the counter. He was middle aged, and had, - wait a minute, BLUE HAIR! How does _that _work? "Are you two tourists?"

"Nope!" Kevin said. "We're the new awesome ranchers!"

"Liek," Molly said, "Totalelz."

"Well, my name is Simon, and this is my photography store an"-

"Give me a camera NOW!" Kevin yelled. I groaned inwardly.

"Well, I'll give you one, if you just hold on and"- Simone began, offended.

"NAO!"

I whispered to Molly, "Shouldn't we do something before he maims Simon?" Molly waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, you know Kevin. When he gets like this, it's best to just let him have his way." I vomited on the inside, realizing the implications of that statement.

"I am going to have to ask you to leave," Simon said.

"Well, fine," Kevin said, hurt. "If you don't want my money!" He turned to his sister. "Let's leave! This place obviously is too cramped for our style!" Kevin and Molly stormed out, noses in the air.

**STOP TWO: SONATA TAILORING (NOW WITH LESS LUNA) **

"Oh my," said the older woman. "We're almost out of yarn."

"But," the blue-haired girl responded meekly, "We need it to make clothes…"

Kevin giggled at the younger woman. "She has blue hair…"

"Kevin!" Molly scolded. "Freaks have feelings too!" So they didn't notice Simon's hair discoloration, but this new chic stuck out like a sore thumb for them?

"What, really?" Kevin said astonished. He must not have believed Molly so he turned to the woman and said, "Do you have feelings even though you're a freak?"

The girl burst into tears and ran into the next room. "I'M A GIRL AND MY NAME IS CANDACE!"

The older woman turned to us. "We are closed today. If all you are going to do is make fun of my granddaughter, then I am going to have to ask you to leave."

"Yeesh," Kevin said. "No need to be so sensitive."

"GET OUT!"

**STOP THREE: BRASS BAR**

Kevin and Molly (and by extension, me) had been invited for free tea at the Brass Bar by some blonde slut. Kathy, I think her name was.

"Hey there, guys," she said, leaning on the table. "How's the tea?"

"I love it!" Kevin replied. Wow. It looked like Kevin wasn't going to get us kicked out-

"Yummy!" Molly said, having bitten off a chunk of the table "This wood tastes great!"

I jinxed it, didn't I?

"What are you DOING?" Said Hayden, Kathy's father and the owner of the bar.

"She's eating your table," Kevin said. "DUH."

"Stop!" Kathy said. "We still need that!"

Molly looked deeply ashamed, and spit the portion back onto the part of the table that was still standing. It was mushy, and not something one would eat off of.

Hayden stepped in, and picked both Molly and Kevin up by the collars of their shirts. He carried them to the door and threw them out. They landed on the cold cobblestone walkway. Hayden closed the door and yelled "AND STAY OUT!"

I sighed. "You two are going to get us kicked out of every store on the island aren't you?"

Simultaneously, the siblings said "We aim to please!"

**STOP FOUR: CHORALE CLINIC**

"Hello," said the older woman behind the counter. "My name is Irene, and this is Chorale Clinic."

"A doctor's office?" Molly asked. "Does that mean you have morphine?"

"Umm, no…" Irene responded.

"That's too bad," Kevin said, and turned to leave. Oh my god, we weren't going to get kicked out!

Molly ran to the back, and started rummaging through cabinets! "Sweet! Marijuana for medicinal purposes!" And she injected her self. "Oh…" She let a burst of ecstasy escape her lips.

"Goodbye!" Irene said.

**STOP FIVE: THE FISHERY **

"OH MY GOD!" Molly screamed as we entered the fishery. "SA-SHI-MI!" She turned to store's owner, a middle aged man with a weird-shaped head. "I luff sa-shi-mi! Could you maybe make some fried for me?"

"Well," The man said "it's not sashimi of you fry it"-

"HOGWASH!" Kevin burst out. "I eat raw cowflesh three times a day, and even though it isn't cooked, it's still cowflesh!"

The man stared at Kevin blankly for a moment and said "You do realize raw meat is poisonous?" Hmmm. I wonder if that explains Kevin's IQ problem?

"Oh, don't be such a spoilsport," Kevin said.

"Kevin," I said, "you should be careful about what you say," I lectured him, wary.

"Why?" Molly burst into tears. AGAIN.

"I HATE SPOILPSORTS! GO AWAY!"

"Ummm…" The man said.

"Fine! I'll just have regular sashimi!" Molly then stuffed her face with the raw fish on display in the store.

"Wait!" The man said. "You have to pay for those!"

"What?" Kevin said. He too, was gorging on the fish. "I can't hear with all this work my stomach is doing! Try telling me when I'm done!"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

**STOP SIX: OCARINA INN **

The Ocarina Inn was a quaint building. In its kitchen, were two women, one old and short, the other young and blonde. Great, a dumb blond cliché.

Kevin sniggered at the older woman. She and the blonde turned around. "Hello," the older woman said, "my name is Yolanda and this is Maya my"-

"You're short," Kevin said. Molly inquired "Calcium deficiency, right?" The older woman off screaming "I'M NOT SHORT! MY BODY IS JUST DISPROPORTIONATE TO MY HEIGHT!"

"Please leave," Maya said. "And if you come back, you_ have got _to teach how to make her cry like that!"

**STOP SEVEN: CELESTA CHURCH**

A priest named Perry greeted us. And, get this: he had _blue hair!_ Navy, anyway.

After the two Terror Twins managed to scrounge up enough brain power to exchange pleasantries, a woman came in. Her hair color was undeterminable because she kept her head underneath a jacket hood.

"Hello, Mira," Perry said. "Here to mourn the loss of your husband?"

"Yes," she replied, but before she could sit down, Molly laughed. "You're husband died? Man, some people just can't hold on to a guy for _two seconds!_"

"Molly," Perry said. "Please stop."

"Why?" She asked. "It's hysterical!"

"Leave, the both of you," Perry demanded.

Molly stuck her nose up in the air. "Fine! I shouldn't stain myself with inferior females anyway!"

At this Mira ran out of the church crying. And – wouldn't you know it? – her jacket hood came down, revealing purple hair.

_GOD!_ What's next? A spiky haired, angst-y teenager?

Wait, don't tell me –

**STOP EIGHT: CELESTA CHURCH GROUNDS**

"OHMYGOD!" Molly exclaimed upon exiting the church. "Look!" Overlooking the ocean was a young man with spiky red hair.

"Oh. Hey," he said. "You sound like someone who enjoys life." He then went on a rant. "You're lucky. I can't even cook anything worth eating…"

"I was right!" Molly said. Still high from the marijuana, she continued "Spiky hair. Emo. Fresh out of the teen years – goodness, you must be Cloud McStrife!"

"Really?" Kevin said. Theyn then went on a fanboy/girl rant. "I love your game!"

"I love you!" Molly said.

"My name is Chase…" The boy said. "Listen, would you mind leaving my alone?"

"Whatever you say, dreamboat!" Molly responded.

________________

Walking towards away from the Church Grounds, I pointed out, "We're done so we can go to the Goddess now!"

"I want to go to Town Hall!" Molly insisted.

"Yeah," Kevin said, "don't be such a spoilsport."

Molly burst into tears.

A part of my soul died.

**TO BE CONTINUED… (Maybe)**

**Author's Notes: I hope you enjoyed this. There are two factors that will determine if I continue this **

**1. How far I get in the game: I will probably use one chapter for one bell.**

**2. How popular the story gets: I won't continue this unless I know there is an audience for it. So please, leave a review!**

**And, like I said before, I might not continue it if I don't feel like it. Just saying. REVIEW PLEASE!**


	2. SpringPondTreePlace

**Chapter 2:SpringPondTreePlace**

Alright, I'm sorry for what I said last chapter. You know, about the hair thing. I guess odd-colored hair really is quite common. After all, all I have to do to see it is look in the mirror!

_*Finn the Harvest Sprite hereby withdraws all negative and/or insulting comments on, about and to odd-hair. He understands he was a hypocrite and apologizes for it. He will receive a stern talking to. _

"How did you find my fabulous town?" Mayor Hamilton inquired. "Was it not divine?" We were in Town Hall, after Molly recovered from her spoilsport-induced trauma.

"It sucked!" Molly said.

"Yeah!" Kevin said, waving his arms for emphasis. "We got kicked out of every store!"

"We didn't even do anything wrong!" Molly stated. Why does that not surprise me?

"But we met Cloud McStrife!" Kevin said.

"And that makes it _all better_!" Molly smiled, revealing teeth that needed to be brushed. BADLY.

"Quite," Mayor Hamilton responded. "Also, if you see someone named Bo, would you give him this toolbox?" He said, taking the kit out from underneath his desk. "He is a minor, but we don't have child labor laws here, so he works at the Carpenter's."

How exactly does that work again?

Back at the farm, Molly and Kevin were trying to decide on a name for their new livelihood.

"Cowflesh Farm!" Kevin yelled.

"Sashimi Ranch!" Molly insisted. She waved her hands in a childish manner for emphasis.

"COWFLESH!

"SA-SHI-MI!"

"Guys!" I broke in. "Just call it Sashimi Flesh and get it _over with._"

* * *

The next day, Molly and Kevin were in the fields. And they were actually farming. I mean, I'm not being sarcastic, they were making holes in the ground and putting _seeds_ in them! "Hey guys!" I said. I was standing on the fence surrounding the property. "Remember that you need to actually water your plants!"

"Why?" Molly called back in response.

I sighed, realizing it was too good to be true. "Because the plants need to drink!" I shouted back.

"Why?" Kevin asked.

"JUST DO IT!"

Molly stared blankly at me. Kevin said "I respect your beliefs Finn, but Molly and I don't believe in incest."

**Later…**

"We have finished placing liquid on the vegetation, wise one," Kevin said to me.

Wise one?

"We're gonna go to Flute Fields and introduce ourselves!"

Oh. No.

"Shouldn't we go to the Goddess now?" I said, trying to avert disaster and get them to be responsible at the same time.

"Oh, Finn!" Kevin said, "You're such a sp"-

"DON'T!" I shouted, desperate. "We can go to Flute Fields, _just don't say that word!_"

"Proilport," Kevin said.

* * *

"You idiot!" Said the man in the yellow hat. He was yelling at a small boy, presumably the man's son. The man was holding a glass of lemonade in his hand. "You put a lemon with _three seeds_ in my lemonade! That's an odd number! I can't eat anything _odd!_"

"Fine!" The boy said. "Then I'll just take it out!"

"NO! NO!" The man protested, stamping his foot for emphasis. "It's already contaminated! It _won't work_!"

The boy slammed the glass down on the floor. We were in Marimba Farm's farmhouse. It was a nice place, filled with all sorts of colorful vegetables that would have given the shop a great atmosphere… except they're, ya know, _vegetables_. And those get moldy, _fast._

"I'm leaving! And I won't ever come back ever until the Yellow Bell rings!" He stormed out the door past us. The man turned to us. "Oh, guests." He then went into his bedroom.

"Sorry," A woman behind the counter said. "That was my husband Craig and my son, Taylor. They get like that sometime." She paused. "My name is Ruth."

"Aren't you going to go look for your son?" Molly said. Ruth said "Didn't you hear him? He'll be back after the Yellow B"-

"AHH!" Kevin yelled, covering his ears. "I haven't beaten the game yet! Don't spoil it for me!"

Ugh. (Again.)

* * *

We were at Horn Ranch, talking with Cain's wife, Hannah. "Oh, um, hello…" Hannah stuttered out upon our entry into the farmhouse. "My husband has said so many, ah, _things_ about you"-

"Do they involve cowflesh?" Kevin asked.

"Or sa-shi-mi?" Molly inquired.

Hannah wisely ignored them, and called Cain into the room. "Cain!" She said. "Give these two something so they won't bother us!" She was obviously scared out of her wits.

Smart woman.

"Alright," Cain said, coming in from the fields. "Take this cow, and please," he begged, "don't annoy us!"

The cow was black and white, and elicited hungry looks from Kevin. "Must. Resist. Urge. To eat. Cowflesh." Molly squealed with delight, in spite of her brother's rambling. "I think I'll call you… Bozo!"

"And take this milker!" Cain said, tossing it to Molly. As we were leaving, a woman about Molly's age entered. "Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!" She said. Then she noticed us. Then she noticed Kevin. "Hey, there hot stuff. I'm Renee. But you can call me 'awesome.'"

I call her a slut. Even more so than Kathy.

Bozo the cow in tow, we were now back at the ranch. "Now can we go to the Goddess Pond?" I asked, realizing we might never go.

"Sure," Kevin said. "Ready when you are."

"You know," Molly said, "if you really wanted to go, all you needed to do was ask." I stared at them blankly and said "Sometimes I wonder if you're stupid, or I'm just goddamned, motherfucking ineffective."

Kevin giggled. "He said a curse word…"

* * *

I have been trying to get Kevin and Molly to go to the Goddess Pond for as long as I can remember. I have finally convinced them to go.

And the bridge is out. THREE CHEERS FOR MARVELOUS ENTERTAINMENT! There was a boy standing at the foot of the bridge. "Hey!" Molly called out. "Hyway siay ethay ridgebay utoay?"

The boy responded to her Pig Latin. "There was a storm a couple of days ago! I'm supposed to repair it, but I don't have my toolbox."

"Kev_in_," I whispered. "This must be Bo! Give him his equipment!"

"The man doesn't even have _that_?" He trailed off, barely audible. "Poor guy…"

"HIS TOOLBOX!"

Kevin nodded and took the tools out. "These yours?" Bo nodded. "Yup. If you could hand them over"-

Molly snatched the tools from Kevin. "CATCH!" She chucked the box at Bo, and it hit him on the head. "OW!"

"I said 'catch…'" Molly mumbled. "You okay?"

"Just some internal bleeding and permanent brain damage!" He responded. "Nothing serious!"

Bo was about to get started on the repairs when… "I'm kind of hungry. Could you bring me some lunch before I get started?"

This comment sent Kevin swirling in a fit a rage. He ran up to Bo and pinned him on the ground.

"We gave you the tools! Now you fix the bridge!" He yelled. "Kapish?"

Bo just stared at Kevin.

"KAPISH?

Bo finally responded. "I think I just kapished myself."

**THE NEXT DAY**

After Kevin tore innocent forest animals to confetti with his ax, we were finally at the Goddess Pond! I know, I can't believe it either!

The Harvest Goddess herself stood before us. "Oh brave heroes…" She said. "The power of nature has been drained…" She shed a tear, and continued. "Fires don't burn. The soil is infertile. Ships aren't sailing"-

Kevin interrupted. "Ya know, that reminds me: If ships aren't sailing how did Molly and I get here in the first place?"

I stared at Kevin, gasping for air. You do NOT interrupt the Harvest Goddess.

Molly joined in. "Yeah, and for that matter, is this a spring, or a pond? They never really make that clear…"

The Goddess stared at me, as if I would know what to do. I shrugged. "You know what?" The Harvest Goddess snapped. "Just ring the five bells between 6 and 6. If you need more help, look it up on a fansite." She paused. "PEACE. OUT."

Kevin and Molly stared at each other. Kevin said, "That Goddess is such a spoilsport…"

Molly burst into tears.

I really am getting stupider just looking at these two, aren't I?

**Author's Note: Next time, I promise I'll get up to the Red Bell, at least. Oh, and anyone who gets the Curious George reference gets a cookie. Anyone who gets the Spongebob Sqaurepants one WINS. **

** And I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was having internet trouble.**


	3. Kick the Can! Or Not

**SG: Sorry it's taken so long! Midterms were hectic, and then I got sick. RED BELL, N-E-1? **

**Chapter 3: Kick the Can! (Or Not) **

It was a peaceful, spring morning. I was half-awake on the windowsill, enjoying sunlight waft in from the window, and land on my nose. Birds were chirping in the distance. The sound of the windmill churning complimented the tweeting, and, for the first time in a long time, I was happy. I debated opening my eyes, and after a few moments, decided that it was a good idea.

"Oh boy!" Molly said. Her face was less then two inches way from mine, and a large, hulking smile was painted across it. She still hadn't brushed her teeth. "You're awake!" She moved her head out of the way, letting me see that Kevin was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Unfortunately," I said, "I am." I sighed. "What is it this time?"

"We're going to RickRoll you!" Kevin said. "We've been working on it all night!"

I cocked my head. "What are you _talking abou_?"- Molly flipped on an old stereo and Kevin started belly dancing and stripping at the same time.

_We're no strangers to love  
You know the rules and so do I_ _  
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
You wouldn't get this from any other guy  
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand  
_

_  
_What I have I gotten myself into? I almost cried.

_  
Never gonna give you up,  
Never gonna let you down,  
Never gonna run around and desert you,  
Never gonna make you cry,  
Never gonna say goodbye,  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you  
_

Kevin was completely naked now, and Molly started singing the song while gargling seltzer. I tried to turn away, but the two of them were reflected in the window.

_  
We've known each other for so long  
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it  
Inside we both know what's been going on  
We know the game and we're gonna play it  
And if you ask me how I'm feeling  
Don't tell me you're too blind to see_

"Kay," Kevin said. "We're done now!" He put his clothes back on.

"Liek," Molly said. "What did you think?" I mused over the question for a few, brief moments. I then opened, my mouth, but nothing came out of it. I just let it hang, my lower jaw hanging like uranium dangling from a crane in Natanz. Finally, I whimpered "Do you know a good therapist?"

** Later… **

We were in the Garmon Lower Mine. The Dynamic Duo had finished up farming, and had decided to give mining a shot. The two had bought hammers at the blacksmiths. Several pitfalls later, we landed on the 10th floor.

"Guys! Look!" I said. "It's the Red Bell pedestal!"

"I wonder where the Red Bell is…" Molly pondered.

"Well," I began, "I was looking on a fansite and"-

"Maybe it's gone forever," Kevin interrupted.

"But that would mean we can't ring it!" Molly burst out.

"Guys!" I tried again, but to no avail.

"Man, this sucks," Kevin said. "Whoever took the bell is such a spoilsp"-

I stuck my fingers in my ears, and prayed for death. Or for new material – which ever comes first! Luckily, a man came down the stairs at the moment.

"Hey," he said. Booze rolled from his mouth, like pointless edits from a 4Kids show. "You new around here?"

Kevin and Molly turned around. "Yup," Kevin said. "I'm Kevin, and this is my sister, Molly."

"I wanna be the very best – like no one ever was!" Molly said.

I should have seen that coming.

"Uh, neat," The man said. "I'm Owen." Owen then escorted us out of the mine, as we were all done.

Passing by the carpenters, we saw Bo. He was facing towards the wall and counting down from 10. When he noticed us, he said "Oh, hey," and turned around to face us. "Chloe and I are playing Kick the Can. Wanna join?"

"Sure," Kevin said. "It's the least you can do after you kept us waiting for the bridge."

Then, I saw it. The Red Bell. "Kevin!" I whispered. "Look!" Kevin whipped around, and, apparently, he saw the serious of the situation. A twerpy girl, about 9, was running towards the Red Bell, gaining momentum for a kick. Kevin sprang into action, for once. He rocketed towards the Bell, outrunning the brat with his superior agility.

"I wanna win!" Kevin exclaimed.

…Wait, what?

Kevin slammed his foot into the Bell, sending it flying into Ramsey's chimney.

I shrugged. By this point, I had learned not to let their antics annoy me.

"Whoa!" The Molly said. "Nice one!" The girl came back, not as impressed. "Not bad, for a newbie." Boy started totaling up the points.

Ramsey's door flew open just then, Ramsey himself following suite. "WHO CLOGGED MY CHIMNEY?" Kevin blinked, and pointed at the girl. "She did!"

"Chloe!" Ramsey started. "You have a lot of work to do!"

She mouthed "I hate you," towards Kevin, and proceeded inside. Ramsey then said to Kevin and Molly "I'm sorry my granddaughter bothered you. Would you like some tea? It's the least I can do."

**After tea time…**

"I can't get it out!" Chloe insisted. She had been tasked with removing the Bell by hand. "Fine," Ramsey relented. "We might be able to remove it if I could make a strong enough fire…"

"Use my shirt to start it!" Kevin said. "Heck, use all my clothes! Underwear included!"

God, the world must hate me.

Kevin stripped, and the Red Bell came popping out of the chimney.

"See," Ramsey said to Chloe. "You really should be more altruistic, like this fellow over here." He patted Kevin on his naked back.

Kevin started to pee.

**Deep in the Garmon Lower Mine...**

"Liek," Molly said, putting the Bell on the pedestal, "We did it! We did it, yay!"

Alan emerged from the Bell. "Uh," He said, emerging from a groggy sleepiness, "that was some party last ni"- then he saw Kevin. "MY EYES! MY EYES!" He shielded his two eye sockets, and screamed "I'll ring the Bell, just put some clothes on!"

And thus, the power of fire was returned to the land.

**The next day…**

I awoke to strange moaning sounds coming from outside. "That you, guys?" I asked, forcing my lids open. I glanced around, and saw only Molly in the house. The two of us went outside to find the source of the noise.

Kevin and Renee were having sex in the hot springs.

**Author's Note: I promise the next chapter won't take so long to be written! Also, if anyone had a joke they want me to use, just tell me in your review! I might find a way to implement it! **

** Also, I'm sorry the chapters are getting progressively shorter. I'm just writing them later and later at night.**

** Review please!**


	4. Fail Fantasy Seven

**Chapter 4: Fail Fantasy Seven**

"So why are we going back to the Brass Bar?" I ask.

"Because," Molly insisted. "Cloud works there! I wanna ask him out to the Firefly Festival with me!"

"As for myself," Kevin said, "I wanna feel his spiky hair and see if it punctures my palm!"

It was the last day of spring. Kevin, Molly and I were outside the Brass Bar, waiting for Chase to arrive. The sky was a mix of hues, reds, greens and blues.

In response to Kevin's comment, I said nothing.

The Church bell chimed 6:00, and the doors flew open with Molly and Kevin's arrival.

"Did'jya miss me?" Kevin shouted into the bar. After a moment of silence, Kathy said "No, not really." Another pause. "You owe us 9001G for the table you ate."

"What? 9"- Kevin started before I interrupted him with "Down boy. DOWN."

Meanwhile, Molly approached Chase. "Salut, mon ami. Ça va?" Chase sighed a defeated sigh. "I don't speak idiot."

"Then I'll just use plain Engrish!" Wait, what? "Go festival me with you will week morrow next?"

Everyone in the vicinity stared blankly at Molly, before Chase said "Fine, if it'll get you to stop stalking me."

The next week, we were at the Firefly Festival. I know, I can hardly believe how far we've come either.

"Hey, Renee!" Kevin said. "Sup?"

"I'm pregnant."

"That's wiggity-wiggity-whack, yo!"

"You're the father!"

"Don't be player hatin' on me!"

"It's due at the end of Winter."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Boy."

"In that cause dawg, we got nuttin' to worry about!"

Renee stared blankly at Kevin for a moment, seemingly offended. Then, her normal, pleasant demeanor returned and she said, "Y'know, since I'm already pregnant, we should have as much sex a possible!"

I decided I hadn't heard that. Meanwhile though, Molly and Chase were curled up by the river.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Molly asked.

"Yeah. Because you are here." Chase seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself.

"If you listen to the sound of the papercrafts floating, it's like you can hear melodies of life."

"Molly. Take my hands."

"Why?"

"Cause they don't wanna live without your hands."

"You're so romantic…" She stared off into the sky dreamily, draping herself around Chase. "Cloud? Use your buster blade on me." I barfed inside.

On the way home, we passed by a beach. As Kevin insisted "The marine ecosystem won't mind if I use it as a little farmer's room."

For a third time: UGH.

"Hey, look!" Molly pointed out.

There it was.

The Yellow Bell.

Collin's spirit slowly lifted itself out of the bell. "My power is so weak… I can feel the life force draining from my ever lim- wanna hear a joke?"

Ignoring Collin, I turned to Molly and Kevin. "Okay, I read on a fansite that we need to collect moonlight from the bell at three stones across town"-

"Why do need stones?"

I thought for a moment before conceding. "Touché."

Kevin held the bell up to the moon, and Collin was restored. I heard Molly utter a "That was anticlimactic, under her breath."

We headed for the pedestal at Marimba Farm. "Darn it," I said. "There's a fence blocking the way.

"We just jump over it," Collin said. "Dur."

The sun was rising as we came to pedestal, where Craig was praying. He looked up and saw us.

"You didn't see anything," he said.

"Yeah, I di"- Molly started.

"I'm an atheist!"

Craig left, and we put the bell back on the pedestal. "Now," Collin said. "I need to make sure we all have the same goal here. What is our mission?"

"World domination!" Molly said.

"Make lots of money!" Kevin insisted. I was about to protest when Collin said "Glad to see we're on the same page."

And thus, the power of earth was restored to the land.

**Author's Notes: I am SOOOOOO SORRY this took so long. Everything has been really hectic on my end. I promise the next update will come sooner. And I also promise no more Final Fantasy jokes. Unless you want them, of course. (Props to anyone who caught the Final Fantasy jokes in this chapter.)**


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